Day 3

A Day in the Life of a Fat Foodie

            Tuesday rolls around and of course, the pancakes are calling me out of bed, but alas when I get to the fridge I discover leftover omelet from Sunday’s dinner. What is a man to do when he has to decide between two loves? My love of cheese overpowers my sweet tooth, and I grab the cheesy eggs out of the refrigerator. My omelet is chalked full of peppery breakfast sausage which is an excellent surprise for my scratchy dry throat.

            The bell rings in History class and I hear my stomach growling for my daily ritual. As usual, my lunch begins with a Black Forrest ham sandwich.  The garlic cheese on today’s sandwich is much thicker than yesterday’s, and in my rush to get going this morning I neglected to use the right amount of dressing.  Since I already have a sore throat, this sandwich nearly gags  me with its dryness and throws me over the edge. Naturally, I follow my sandwich with twenty-five sour grapes to cut the pungency of the garlic and add a little moisture to my palette. Next I scarf down a stale oats and honey Nature Valley granola bar and a sticky Rice Crispy treat. I have to include something salty, so I end lunch with 10 Taco Doritos chips, which truly taste like I am eating a hard shell taco. After lunch a friend tells me that the Spirit store is open so I decide to go check it out.  As I get to the window to check out the stash, I see they have Arnold Palmer Arizona Tea, which is half iced tea, half lemonade. I know this sounds nasty, but it was pure sweet relief on my raw sore throat. I pray my cold gets better because I’m losing my sense of taste, and how can a foodie survive without taste?

            When I get home I am starving so I munch on thirty original flavored Cheez-Its. I am usually a fan of the classic cheese crackers, but today my throat cries out for something soothing, instead of something salty.  As my mother reveals her grocery store purchase, I grab the bottle with vigor. I tear open the child proof seal and take a swig from the Tylenol cold medicine bottle. Soon I feel a cooling citrus surprise slide down my throat and sting my nose at the same time. Ah what relief.

            Finally dinner arrives and the dose of cold medication has brought my taste buds back to life.  I make crisp crinkle cut seasoned French fries and dunk them in ketchup. I also eat some of my mom’s sweet potatoes tater tots that were moist and delightful. My dinner is topped off when I have six crunchy butterfly shrimp, which are so scrumptious I do not need tartar sauce, so I savor every decadent bite.  Since dinner isn’t exactly ideal for a sore throat, I grab the Tylenol off the counter and feel the burst of coolness as the Tylenol glides down my esophagus. It isn’t long before the antihistamine does its job and I drift off to sleep, full, content, and relaxed.