Day 4

Wednesday here, so it’s just another hump day and I am betting you know what that means. Yes, you are right, pancakes again! I wake up exhausted and sick as a dog this morning, so for an extra energy boost I riffle through the pancake container for the four biggest pancakes. After nuking them for a minute, I douse them in syrup hoping my stuffed nose won’t prevent me from tasting them. Naturally I chase the pancakes with a hefty dose of Tylenol to help soothe my throat.

            By lunchtime the effects of the medicine have pretty much worn off, but luckily I have an extra special lunch. I eat a classic Black Forrest ham sandwich made with low calorie honey wheat bread, Tillamook garlic cheddar cheese and Caesar dressing. I know that sounds like the sandwich I usually have, but today I have sliced the ham extra thick and loaded the bread with dressing, so the Caesar drips down my chin with every bite. To cap things off I have a little sweetness in an Eating Right strawberry cereal bar. I was still hungry after lunch so I caved in and bought another Arnold Palmer Arizona Tea to bring some relief to my throat.

            Tonight I begin my dinner with half a firm cucumber which I dip in ranch dressing. Then I steamed some pearl grain white rice and covered it in Canadian sweet and sour sauce. My father has just grilled humungous thin cut pork chops, so I grab one off the serving dish and start to carve through it. I try to tear every ounce of delectable meat off of my whopping pork chop, because I just can’t seem to get enough of the delicious meat.  After I finish my meal I delve into a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, stuffing several spoon fulls of cookie dough ice cream into my mouth.            

As I have done every night, I finish my day with a lovely large dose of Tylenol.  Thank goodness colds don’t last forever, because I am getting tire of not fully tasting my food.

Day 3

A Day in the Life of a Fat Foodie

            Tuesday rolls around and of course, the pancakes are calling me out of bed, but alas when I get to the fridge I discover leftover omelet from Sunday’s dinner. What is a man to do when he has to decide between two loves? My love of cheese overpowers my sweet tooth, and I grab the cheesy eggs out of the refrigerator. My omelet is chalked full of peppery breakfast sausage which is an excellent surprise for my scratchy dry throat.

            The bell rings in History class and I hear my stomach growling for my daily ritual. As usual, my lunch begins with a Black Forrest ham sandwich.  The garlic cheese on today’s sandwich is much thicker than yesterday’s, and in my rush to get going this morning I neglected to use the right amount of dressing.  Since I already have a sore throat, this sandwich nearly gags  me with its dryness and throws me over the edge. Naturally, I follow my sandwich with twenty-five sour grapes to cut the pungency of the garlic and add a little moisture to my palette. Next I scarf down a stale oats and honey Nature Valley granola bar and a sticky Rice Crispy treat. I have to include something salty, so I end lunch with 10 Taco Doritos chips, which truly taste like I am eating a hard shell taco. After lunch a friend tells me that the Spirit store is open so I decide to go check it out.  As I get to the window to check out the stash, I see they have Arnold Palmer Arizona Tea, which is half iced tea, half lemonade. I know this sounds nasty, but it was pure sweet relief on my raw sore throat. I pray my cold gets better because I’m losing my sense of taste, and how can a foodie survive without taste?

            When I get home I am starving so I munch on thirty original flavored Cheez-Its. I am usually a fan of the classic cheese crackers, but today my throat cries out for something soothing, instead of something salty.  As my mother reveals her grocery store purchase, I grab the bottle with vigor. I tear open the child proof seal and take a swig from the Tylenol cold medicine bottle. Soon I feel a cooling citrus surprise slide down my throat and sting my nose at the same time. Ah what relief.

            Finally dinner arrives and the dose of cold medication has brought my taste buds back to life.  I make crisp crinkle cut seasoned French fries and dunk them in ketchup. I also eat some of my mom’s sweet potatoes tater tots that were moist and delightful. My dinner is topped off when I have six crunchy butterfly shrimp, which are so scrumptious I do not need tartar sauce, so I savor every decadent bite.  Since dinner isn’t exactly ideal for a sore throat, I grab the Tylenol off the counter and feel the burst of coolness as the Tylenol glides down my esophagus. It isn’t long before the antihistamine does its job and I drift off to sleep, full, content, and relaxed.

Day 2

A Day in the Life of a Fat Foodie - Day 2

            It’s Monday and I am back to the old grind, meaning only one thing for breakfast, silver dollar pancakes. My wonderful mother makes me pancakes every Sunday night and tosses them in the fridge, so that I will be able to heat them up and go every morning.  I microwave three fluffy pancakes and float them in sugar free syrup, making my usual sweet delight.  Breakfast is the most important meal of the day so I have a hearty start to my day.

            Now its lunch time! To satisfy my ridiculous hunger that developed in 4^th period I’ll have a sandwich and grapes, as usual, with two other items. My sandwich is a delicate balance of the right flavors. First I begin with two slices of low calorie Sara Lee honey wheat bread with reduced fat Caesar dressing slathered on each slice.  Then I add the thick sliced Black Forest ham and top it off with pungent Tillamook garlic cheese.  After eating it, I am in a garlic coma, so I have to cut the heat with ridiculously large sour red grapes. After the grapes, I chomp on a crispy Nature Valley oats and honey granola bar to add a little crunch to lunch. Finally to ice the cake, and I do mean that literally, I devour two Little Debby Fall Party Cakes.  I prefer Little Debby sugar sprinkled Christmas Trees, but since ‘tis not the season, I took what I could.   

            Dinner time already and the comforting smell of a rib roast is wafting from the oven and beaconing to me.  I dip three thick juicy slices in maple brown sugar Sweet Baby Ray’s barbeque sauce and the warm meat slides down my throat filling my stomach with tender goodness. For desert I mix up a raspberry Greek yogurt, but then I got a ridiculous craving for something salty and eat half a bag of Ruffles beer battered onion ring chips. They are so fattening, but a taste like a slice of heaven. Well, it has been a day of ups and downs for this foodie, as I hope to eat more healthfully tomorrow.

Day 1

         The day did not start out with the healthiest of food choices. For breakfast I had a warm soft cinnamon bun slathered with mounds of rich cream cheese. When lunch time rolled around a couple hours later, the leftovers in the fridge were calling my name. I warmed up a beef burger and topped it with succulent garlic sautéed mushrooms and white cheddar garlic cheese.  The cheese was from my Tillamook stash I purchased while on vacation in Oregon last month. While most Tillamook cheeses make me salivate just thinking about them, this one is my least favorite.  While flavorful, it is quite pungent and almost too strong, making my nose tingle from a mere whiff, let alone a taste.  For my side dishes, I had lightly salted and peppered peas and a deliciously sweet crisp cucumber sliced and dipped in creamy ranch. Lunch ended with 5 large juicy red seedless grapes and a half cup of Ben and Jerry’s cookie dough ice cream.  Oh yeah, that might be a strange combination to some, but I am the leftover king. Not a gourmet menu, but mildly nutritious with a yummy fattening finish.

            At dinner time we had backwards breakfast.  Since my family is so busy every morning, we never have time to make a big meal so we often have breakfast for dinner. I browned a third of a pound of Jimmy Dean breakfast sausage. Then I cracked two eggs into a bowl and whipped them to a froth, After dropping them into a hot pan, I added a thin slice of Tillamook pepper jack cheese and some shreds of Tillamook smoked cracked black pepper cheese.  After the cheese was perfectly melted and browned I laid the eggs on a fluffy pancake.  I topped it all off with another pancake and a generous helping of maple syrup.  Every bite was a rush of rich sweet cheese peppery excellence. I then ate a cucumber to cut the sweetness of the breakfast sandwich. To finish my day off I had my new love, a raspberry Greek yogurt. Once you get past mixing the yogurt and seeing its nasty chunkiness at the start it is a creamy perfection. Oh yeah, it was a tasty day.